Well faithful readers, I hope you don’t think I’ve gone soft on you.
In the space of one year I go from a pseudo-scientific gardening cost analysis, to sitting here writing my heart out about my love of gardening.
Let’s get back on track. Here’s a carrot. Yeah, take a bite. Tastes great doesn’t it?
Well, I pee’d on that carrot. And you might thank me later.
Let’s start at the beginning. Most guys like to pee outside. It’s good. It feels nice. You get to draw designs or try to write your name. (Ladies, you would do this if you could- trust me.) Beyond that, you also get to mark your territory- provide a warning to the neighborhood cats. Show the cats who is boss (until your wife finds out). There are all kinds of benefits. Peeing outside is great.
So I pee on my vegetables.
Well, not really. I pee in the compost pile**. It is actually good for compost- full of nutrients, minerals and everything else required to create the most flavorful vegetables possible.
I’ve interspersed some pictures of today’s trip to the Davis Farmer’s Market because I didn’t think you wanted pictures of me peeing.
Dumb Story Alert
When I was 16 I had a job at a building material supplier (rocks, dirt, gravel, etc.) in Southern California. I wouldn’t say it was a good job in fact it was pretty bad. There were a few teenage kids working there, and a whole lot of illegal aliens. The only reason they hired the teenagers was that we had a rudimentary understanding of English. We could do SOME work, but as a bunch of 16 year olds we were fairly retarded in what we could do. The illegal guys could out work us by at least triple.
Having us on hand just meant they could have a cheap translation service.
The boss man would come out and describe a fairly simple menial task to me. I would start doing it, and the illegal guy would just start doing the same thing. For instance, a customer may order 100 bags of manure. We would literally climb a mountain of manure and start shoveling it into bags. I would do 2, then the illegal would see what I was doing, and he’d work like gangbusters. I was fairly worthless after that.
But it is an efficient system. I mean SOMEONE has to tell the guy to put the poop in the bag. It may as well be some dumbass 16 year old getting paid minimum wage, who can also fill a few bags himself.
How does this relate to me peeing on your carrot?
One of my jobs at this place was to move hundreds of bags of ‘urea’ from one truck to another. It was a very smelly job. I breathed in a lot of dry and dusty urea. It may have ruined my brain, I don’t know. But looking at those bags for 4 hours or so taught me one thing:
Pee is good for your garden. Or at least people are willing to pay for dried up pee to put in their garden.
I would guess that someone pee’d on these at some point.
And if dry pee is good, then wet pee must be better. So with this information, (and after reading scientific studies as well as watching a lot of YouTube videos**) I pee on my compost pile.
It’s not a big deal, the pee is washed by the rain, it’s absorbed, processed by bacteria, fungi, insects, and everything else in the compost pile. Then I put it out in the garden where it sits for a few months while plants take up little bits of what used to be inside of me, through a chemical process at the molecular level. It’s not like there are pee particles in the carrot. Maybe in the cabbage though, it is pretty tangy.
I mean, you do know where that glass of water has been, right? It’s been through the digestive tract of every disgusting beast you can imagine. Pee is just one part of the circle of life. The really sad part about this whole thing, is that our civilization has gotten to the point where using a naturally occurring source of nutrients is frowned upon, while pouring petro-chemicals on our garden is okay.
But wait, there’s more. Every pee outside means less flushing inside. Think about that all ecologically for a moment: Saving water. Fertilizing the plants. Giving the neighbors a show. Put that in your pipe and flush it.
Sounds like a wee-wee win-win to me.
My little red-headed ground squirrel with some piggies at the farmers market.
Piggies pee. And poop. Then it gets composted and people PAY to put it in their garden.
Then they cried ‘wee wee’ all the way home.
Have another carrot. They taste great. And how about a nice glass of lemonade?
If you want more information about peeing in the garden, there are books about it. Or just do a Google search. This is the real deal people. It’s a legitimate source of nutrients for our gardens. We should all be doing our part and pee outside.
This is a pretty good farmers market, they also sell plants. I bought some sweet basil and a few flowers. On sale, super-cheap!
**Very important disclaimer! Peeing on my compost pile is a fairly new thing. So if you look back at my blog and see people running their hands through my compost, that was pre-pee. I will now give a warning to everyone prior to inviting them to dig deep into the pile! (Great respect to those who still do.)
**Second important disclaimer! A lot of people pee into a container, then pour it on their compost pile. Personally, I find that to look disgusting. AND it is a waste of a perfectly good opportunity to pee outside and feel the breeze…
Next week: Night-Soil, just a myth? What is the career track for a gong farmer anyway?
I will tell you right now. This food is the BOMB. (Khatmandu veggi combo plate)
As I write this, my compost pile is absorbing some of that garbanzo juice.